The Old Wives Tales
What I’ve Been Told About My Freckles
I have joked a few times that I don’t know if I’m finally getting a nice tan or if my freckles are just filling in. I think it’s a bit of both but my freckles have without a doubt exploded all over my face, arms, chest and even my legs! I’m not complaining, I’ve learned to love them, they make me unique and sometimes even become a conversation piece.
Today as I was leaving work I ran into my friend John and a few of his friends as I was walking home. Although I don’t really know the other two guys yet, I’ve seen them around and we’ve always been friendly. Today one of them admitted he didn’t talk to me before because he was drunk and didn’t want to embarrass himself.
After joking about this and that, the guys commented that I was starting to get a little browner and looked a lot healthier than my ghostly arrival. SCORE! When a black dude notices you’re not as white, it’s a definite win in the glowing complexion department. Who needs lotions and make-up, all you need is the African sun! Instead of taking the compliment though, as most girls do I rebutted with a ‘that’s not entirely true’ and we got on the subject of my freckles.
John’s friend (the one who likes to get day-drunk) told me there are a couple old wives tales about freckles, and never having heard any of them I was very curious. He said there were two that he knew but he was only going to tell me one and all the guys started killing themselves laughing. In an instant they were completely hysterical, one of them turned his face away from me and was doubled over just chuckling with his arm wrapped around his stomach in stitches laughing.
I love a good story, and you know it’s going to be good when grown men erupt into a case of the giggles.
The first wives tale goes that God one day had some extra time on his hands and was looking for more ways to shower his love on the earth. He was looking down from Heaven and decided to send hundreds and hundreds of angels to lay kisses on a few select people. So in short, my freckles are a beautiful gift from God and each one of them is a kiss from an angel. Touching.
Knowing that this couldn’t possibly be what the guys were still laughing over, I prodded for more. I was happy with this explanation, who wouldn’t want to be told “Hey God spent a little extra time on you and while you’re here in Africa you’re being kissed by angels every day.” But I knew there was more and I wanted to see how much these guys trusted me to share their inside joke.
After just a couple of minutes of repeatedly telling the guy I wouldn’t be offended I wanted to know what was so funny and assuring him that we’re all friends here, he agreed to open up as long as I was absolutely sure I wouldn’t be offended. He started to tell me but before he finished his first sentence he was cackling again and could not even look me in the face. I started laughing. I couldn’t help it, it was so contagious, everyone was giggling.
He was clearly so nervous to spit out whatever the other ‘wives tale’ was about my many freckles but in a single breath he straightened up and glanced at his friends and then turned to me but looked right past me and he just spewed. “Some people say it’s a sign that a girl likes to get f*^cked from behind.”
As soon as it was said he clapped his hands over his mouth and had the most surprised look on his face, as if he couldn’t believe he had just told a white girl she may possibly love to take it in the ass. There was a split second pause where the other guys quit laughing and I took over. Oh my gosh. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Everyone started laughing again. Wow. Hahaha wow. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting but that definitely wasn’t it.
I was so taken aback and amused. I laughed and laughed and told him “well I’m really sorry if you’re talking to me only because of my freckles but I can assure you that is certainly not the case, maybe the first one but the other is just not my thing” we laughed and he apologized profusely for being so crude. I attempted to tell him that my friends back home were much more disgusting and he had nothing to worry about but he was so embarrassed and I guess to me that was his way of trying to show some respect afterwards.
So there you have it. Two wives tales, a world apart on the meaning of a girls freckles. Hahahahahaha!
Oh yea and I’m sorry if this post has offended anyone and you can’t share my sick sense of humour.